Monday, April 9, 2012

The Adventures of Crab Asaan

I never go on vacation, mostly because I have no interest and partly because I have too much to write to be bothered with all the horrors of travel. Haanta Series mascot Crab Asaan, however, is an accomplished world traveler. This past weekend, he decided to troll PAX in Boston. At first, decided to hide himself with a clever disguise, but once he realized that he could use his reputation to his advantage, he gloried in being the mighty, the petulant, the terrific Crab Asaan. Here are the highlights of his visit:





After arriving at the hotel and eating a sparse crepe dinner, Crab Asaan went to his room for the night and played Zip-It to amuse himself. He succeeded in winning a match against himself by using every block as the name of a Frewyn municipality. Feeling rather proud of himself, he resigned himself to sleep whilst dreaming of all the impending shinnaniganary he must inflict.

He was feeling indulgent the next morning and thus decided to serve himself to flatter his vanity by making certain that he claimed all the milk for himself. He was generous enough to return the milk canters once finished, but he agreed that such was enough generosity for one morning and went to troll PAX successfully.  He interrupted games with his magnificence, presided over matches, and graced the Gladiator's booth with his presence by assuming the role of Evil Emperor Crab, yaying and naying champions with due decorum.


Dinner was somewhat of a shock, however; upon being served at the famous Sonsie dining hall, Crab Asaan discovered that an old mistress of his had met a most unfortunate and delicious demise. He pined, he crooned, he pitied, and then he dined on her flesh, delighting in every fried morsel whilst considering that eating one's ex was a fitting end for one who had wronged him so horridly. All his indignation was thus expelled on a passing school of fish, and Crab Asaan's good humour was soon restored once he had held two of them hostage and have staved off a mutinous attack accordingly.

After a long and eventful day, Crab Asaan surrendered to the joys of telling the world of his conquest and of enjoying a pleasant and violent story before bedtime. His reign over the powers of PAX had been short, but his influence was justly felt by all those whom he deemed worthy of his diatribes and remonstrances. Hail, O Crab Asaan, troll crab of conventions, and may thy ascendancy strike all the fear into the hearts of your subjects with all the terror that your mighty claw can afford.






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